When Bible Study Steals Your Voice

you-cant-do-that-550x550I’ve been thinking lately my voice. And I don’t mean my odd grammar, the random gibberish, swearing, slightly off colored jokes or any other matter of style. I mean my ability to simply say what I think. Can I do that? It is even allowed? Do they still burn heretics at the stake? Can I get some big name person to call me out as a heretic and use it for publicity?

It seems like such a simple thing, just saying what you think. Yet we are indoctrinated practically from the first time we dare to say “no” that saying what we think is wrong. I have heard parents come right out and say to their kids, “you are not allowed to disagree with me.” When you tell someone that simply having an opinion which does not agree with your own is forbidden and subject to punishment, that’s a pretty powerful way to stop them from owning their own voice.

When you are part of a community which demonizes people for simply sharing their own thoughts, ideas and opinions, it really does work like a form of brainwashing. You may not even realize that you’ve been silenced. You may not realize that you have a right to speak that extends beyond the boundaries that others have imposed on you. And you probably don’t realize how important it is for everyone to hear what the world looks like from where you’re sitting.

This silencing of people goes on in families where everyone knows just what the rules are about what can and cannot be said and relationships are put on the line should you break those rules. But it’s even worse in the church. And what’s particularly evil about the way this happens in the church is that the bible is the tool by which it is done and your relationship with God is what is on the line, should you resist.

Now, the particulars of how this works vary wildly, but when it comes to how the bible gets used to steal our voice, it’s pretty simple. First, you are told what the bible says. Then you read the bible. And it doesn’t say what you’ve been told it says. If you go looking for an explanation, you are usually given a “what it really means” explanation. If you accept it, then life goes on. If you don’t, this could mean the beginning of the end of your faith.

There’s actually a word for this: gaslighting. Gaslighting is when you convince someone that they are crazy. And the most common tool used by people who gaslight is to cause you to continually doubt your own perceptions. It’s a nasty thing to do to people. Continue reading “When Bible Study Steals Your Voice”

Compromise, Convictions and the Good Samaritan

Yesterday, a Christian friend put a quote from a famous pastor up on facebook which ended with this little gem: You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate. Which is what we like to tell ourselves, but it’s not true. Jesus even told us a story to show that it’s not true. You know, the story of the good Samaritan. That story is Jesus … Continue reading Compromise, Convictions and the Good Samaritan

What’s Up With the Nigerian Church?

My brain is all confudled after all the technical difficulties over the last few days. And the $900 car repair bill. And the fact that my husband has been traveling and I have too many children and I’d really just like to go veg somewhere for a week without being interrupted multiple times an hour. So this post is going to be really unfancy, but I think it’s important.

I mentioned recently that a small group of Nigerian Christians found the blog and reached out to me not long ago. And they are awesome. Real keepers. Some of our discussions have centered on the state of the church in Nigeria and their relationship with it. And what they share, while more extreme than what we usually find here in the West, is sadly familiar. There’s serious work to be done.

First, a little background. In addition to being the most populous country in Africa, Nigeria is one of the most religious countries in the world. Its population is divided mainly Christian and Muslim with Christians holding more power and wealth than Muslims. This disparity is at the root of the violence which has been in the news lately. Muslims have access to fewer resources than Christians and feel that they are being mistreated which is breeding violence and resentment.

Much of the problem comes out of geography. The parts of the country with the most resources are largely populated by Christians and Christians hold most important positions of power. However, that power has not been handled responsibly. Nigeria is one of the most corrupt countries in the world which means that resources which could be put to use for the benefit of the people are siphoned off by those in power for their own use. People in the Christian parts of the country can at least improve their lot by catering to the moneyed elite who are busy feeding off the government and the country’s natural resources. People in the Muslim parts of the country don’t even have that possibility available to them.

At the end of the day, Nigeria will not know peace until its government begins to serve its people. All of its people. Which is something the Christian church could be a vocal proponent of. Heck, they could just stand around reading out the writings of the Old Testament prophets and make their point. Given how religious Nigeria is, a church which spoke prophetically in favor of the needs of the poor over the desires of the rich could be a highly effective change agent. But this is not what is happening.

I’ve just cut and paste portions of several conversations I’ve had with my Nigerian friends about the state of the church below. The dynamics they describe are familiar, although sometimes extreme. They show what happens when the errors of men find their way into church teachings. These errors are often viewed as minor or even desirable to those who are living in a place with a lot of stability and enough abundance to avoid serious suffering. But the fruit they bear in more challenging situations ought to alert us to the fact that we’ve embraced teachings which come from man and not God.

Corruption in the church

I am (ruefully) amused at your description of the American church. I think in many ways, the Nigeria church is about the same – but the challenge is that the American society is one where there is a significant amount of balance (which may not be very obvious from the inside) because of many dissenting voices and influences. Everyone, to a large extent is accountable – or appears to be – to someone.

Nigeria is different. Corruption is blatant and there is a significant amount of poverty among the populace, making them perfect fodder for the religious elite – the ‘pastors’
‘Pastor’ or the more emetic ‘daddy’ is the title given to every guy who starts a ‘church’. Largely, the product peddled is hope and the power that comes through ‘Faith’ and the Blood of Jesus. With these combined tablets, you can cure your poverty, sin, sicknesses, chase demons – and do anything…and rise above your neighbour.

Because their belief systems do not match up to reality, the result is a duality; double standards where there is ‘holy speak’ on Sundays and among the ‘brethren’ and gross corruption and hideous godlessness Monday through Saturday.

In Nigeria, what is important is getting wealthy. ‘No one’ cares how you do it.

The result is such a complex system of religious rot in a highly religious society. Armed robbers have been known to pray before robbery and even pay their tithes and offerings. Some pastors bless the guns of some armed robbers. I have heard someone say ‘you are stupid in Jesus name’, seen gross exploitation of people in the name of tithe and first fruit, seen musical instruments for the ‘church’ prioritized over people’s lives and it goes on and on…

Authoritarianism in the church

Sadly, the way the society is structured, there is a great emphasis on (pseudo) community; so the older ones respect elders and do not speak out if they have a different view point. If the ‘man of God’ says something, you obey and if he does something wrong, you say nothing because the bible says ‘touch not my anointed’…
No matter how much you try to explain the context or show that we are on equal footing before God, it seems so difficult for people to understand and/or accept because of what has been soldered into their psyche over time.

It has become a norm, the order of the day…that you dare not say a thing against the so called man of God or disagree with him on whatsoever he taught or he teaches. This is one problem of on an African man, when an elderly person has spoken you have no opinion.

People seem to believe their pastor more than giving attention to the reading of the scriptures. An average African man believes in Christ for Salvation but he’s quickly introduce into a kind of Authoritarian-ship of man. Trusting Christ for Salvation isn’t enough here unless you have someone that is control of your life…

The sad part of it is “you must submit to someone, he must be your covering, you must give your tithe to him and blah blah blah….” I’ve only met few Christians that I can engage on the things of the Kingdom..the rest seem to love the Church things more than the Kingdom. 

The Suffering Caused by Bad Theology

Life is tough and God teaches you via processes and experiences. So it is not everytime prayers get answered the way we like and it is not everyone Jesus healed because he had to align with what the Spirit wanted to do, not just do miracles when he felt like it. So many people try to faith their way through pain and poverty, try to use the blood of Jesus to get through tough circumstances like it is an amulet, exaggerate ‘spiritual’ activity over pragmatic activity, ignoring the clear overlaps that we have when we deal with these spheres…and they get their fingers badly burnt. They lose jobs, they lose people, they cant pay bills, they run out of cash…and through it all, they fail to see that sometimes, hardship doesnt come about because of sin, or lack of faith…

Continue reading “What’s Up With the Nigerian Church?”

The Church and Me

So, I happened to get into several conversations with church people yesterday. Now, by church people, I don’t mean people who belong to a church or work for a church or love a church. I don’t even mean people who have accepted and are trying to live within the boundaries set by a church. When I say church people, I mean people whose identity is tied up in a church or some brand or denomination in the church or a particular theology or even just a bunch of cultural assumptions which are supported by part of the church.

Church people are people who will object to the way something is said rather than deal with the substance of what has been said. Or someone who keeps making arguments meant to address things you never actually said and don’t necessarily think. If they do listen, it’s only so they can look for footholds they can use to render what you say invalid. Or someone who, once they realize they can’t defeat the ideas they disagree with, falls back on looking for excuses to discredit and dismiss the messenger – “you’re obviously emotional/you don’t even belong to a church/you’re in rebellion” etc. Charges of hypocrisy are almost always involved. None of these behaviors are unique to church people. But that’s just the problem, isn’t it?

I don’t usually talk much with church people. I mean, I have spent plenty of time talking with and listening to church people in the past. And I’m plenty happy to engage with them on matters where we’re in broad agreement. But usually, I keep my interactions with church people to a minimum because at some point we’re going to disagree and I either need to just bite my tongue which after a while just means giving up your right to have your own voice. Or I can attempt to have a conversation about it. Which is pointless once everything that can be said has been said and rejected on all sides.

Plus, I have a sharp tongue and a thick hide, so I am often much ruder and blunter than I ought to be. I can be a bit much for a lot of church people to take. And I get that.

But yesterday seemed to be my day for dealing with church people. I would say I did my best to be nice, but I did have to apologize to someone for attributing his callous disregard for vulnerable human beings to his male genitalia. I have to give him props for accepting my apology and moving on. So maybe I didn’t do my best, but I tried my best. Which is all anyone can really ask.

Towards evening, I inadvertently got caught up in my third conversation with church people of the day. (I sometimes forget that just because something is obviously true, doesn’t mean it isn’t controversial and accidentally said something that got several people all riled up.) I think I handled that one pretty well. I’d be practicing all day so I wasn’t all emotionally wound up. But for at least the third time that day, people assumed that I was angry at the church or highly emotional about it or had been hurt by the church.

None of those things is remotely true, but then I went to my blog and noticed that on the front page are posts titled “Churches Don’t Like You When You’re Suffering”, “In the End Times, No One Listens to Their Pastor” and “The New Reformation”. And I realized that I may well be giving people the impression that I’m hostile to the church. Which is not the case at all. So perhaps some clarification is in order. Continue reading “The Church and Me”

When Praise is a Sacrifice

Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name. ~ Hebrews 13:15

Do you know that sometimes praise is a sacrifice? When there’s nothing left to praise but the air you are breathing and you praise God for air. When you’d just as soon not wake up for another day and you praise God for the bed you’re lying on. When there’s no comfort or relief so you praise God for revealing himself so you have somewhere to direct your thoughts when you’re suffering.

Sometimes praise hurts. Sometimes it starts as a bitter complaint. Sometimes praise has no emotion or action behind it because only your will can move in the direction of God. This is a sacrifice of praise. This is the sort of sacrifice God will never, ever turn away.

If your praises are sacrifices right now, I want to share a song with you. Many Sundays in our home after yet another week of one seemingly insurmountable obstacle after another, my husband will put this song on repeat and dance around with the kids. Because sometimes there’s nothing left to do but praise him!

Here’s the link for those of you reading this by email. Continue reading “When Praise is a Sacrifice”

Manhunt for Peace in the Dark Heart of Africa

You know my thing about Africa that I’ve mentioned a couple of times lately? Well, allow me to share a story out of the Congo and Uganda. Now, in Western minds, this part of Africa was long considered “the dark heart” of Africa. And unfortunately in the last few decades, there have been times when anyone who was paying attention would wonder if there wasn’t some sort of curse on that area.

The details of the back and forth that got and kept the conflict going are long and boring. But the basic outline of what happened is this:

A political uprising originally brought on, in 1986 and 1987, by genuine oppression (and thus serving objectives justified in the eyes of those who took up arms), so quickly mutated—by the end of the 1980s already—into a practice of radical violence, with no other aim, at the end, than its own perpetuation, beyond even the effective survival of the group.

(This quote and all others used from the excellent story Sign Warfare, by journalist Jonathan Little, Asymptote Journal, April 2014)

The way the conflict was fought was the sort of stuff you don’t say out loud when the kids are around and only in whispers in private. You don’t want it in their head that such things could exist. You wish it wasn’t in yours. So this conflict is the stuff of nightmares here. This is the conflict that gave us Kony 2012 and boy soldiers, the lost boys that some churches took in.

Today, the government, which triggered the original conflict by refusing to allow freedom for an oppressed, mistreated minority, is engaged in a manhunt to find the last 150 or so soldiers still fighting. 150. That’s it. They can’t just ignore them because they are so violent. 150 is so few, but they still have the power to kill thousands. And I’ll tell you what? If you ever have to make a bet on a face-off between a Navy Seal and one of the Congolese soldiers involved in hunting them down, I wouldn’t be too quick to write off the Congolese soldier. I’m just saying. They’re kind of bad asses.

But anyways, this isn’t your typical manhunt. What they really want is for the soldiers to desert and surrender:

[The combatants] who surrender are well-treated, they are interrogated but without violence, it isn’t necessary, once out of the bush they have nothing to hide; then they’re sent back to Uganda, where they’re granted amnesty, go through a program of psycho-social reinsertion and sometimes get some professional training, before being sent back home with a little money and a few household supplies, or joining the army, more or less voluntarily. 

The biggest reason for the ongoing conflict at this point is that the combatants don’t trust the government. They think offers of help are a trick. Because it’s been that kind of war. But this time, it’s real.

That is amazing. This is not how human beings deal with their enemies. Especially enemies who are driven by a logic no higher thanwe just kill for the sake of killing. It humiliates the government, that’s good enough for us.” Those are the enemies you kill. The ones that you and your people and generations to follow never forgive. The people who, at the very least, must be held accountable for their crimes. 

What is going on in the Congo has never been done before. We’ve never ended our conflicts by forgiving and helping our enemy get well. Never. I am not saying that the government is now perfect or that this particular policy is the be all and end all. But this is something amazing which uses the logic of God’s Kingdom to defeat the power of the enemy’s kingdom. Continue reading “Manhunt for Peace in the Dark Heart of Africa”

Churches Don’t Like You When You’re Suffering

Now, I’m not sure if I agree with what this person thinks that the church should be doing for people. I’m actually kind of a fan of doctors, safety nets and mental health services. But this really does capture the way the church deals with the suffering.

I haven’t been involved in a church for a few years for a number of reasons. But probably the biggest obstacle for me was that I dread what happens once I can’t hide just how screwed up my life is. Just the thought of having to deal with the church’s reaction to suffering is exhausting.

All of the “well why don’t you just go get help so you can get yourself fixed” questions that feel like accusations. The way that if I try to explain that I’m already doing what I can, I’ll just get bombarded with more suggestions and challenges and more questions about why I haven’t gotten myself fixed yet. Contrary to what people seem to think, I don’t really need an extra voice telling me that the reason my life is a mess because I’m screwing it up. If fixing my life were easy enough for you to find the solution off the top of your head, it would be fixed by now. Don’t you think?

Churches tend to do pretty OK with an immediate, specific need or crisis. If you need meals made after the baby comes or while someone is hospitalized. If you need help moving. If you’re a single mom and your house needs paint. Things like that many churches do well. But if the problem is long term, perhaps permanent, churches tend to be bad places to be. There are only so many times you can call about your piece of crap car on the side of the road again. There are only so many times you can explain the details of your budget and why you don’t qualify for certain government programs.

Usually what people really need is a $20,000 cash infusion. Or if that’s not possible, just a supportive shoulder to cry on now and again will do. But churches are really bad at that. If you are bold enough to make your need known, you may find a kind soul willing to listen. But the burden is on you to keep seeking out that kind shoulder when you need it. Which gets really wearing. And it just highlights the extent to which the relationship is not between equals. The person who is listening to you cry is not going to call you when they have a problem. They aren’t going to miss you if you don’t reach out to them. It’s like starvation rations for a relationship starved suffering person. It may be enough to keep you from dying outright, but it’s not nearly enough to help you recover. Continue reading “Churches Don’t Like You When You’re Suffering”