Tag: religion

bible, life, prayer, religion

Throwing Pennies at God

You know the story of the widow’s mite?  How Jesus said this widow throwing her last two pennies into the collection box was more faithful than those putting in large amounts from their wealth?  I always read the story and assumed that the widow was giving her last two pennies out of reverence.  But lately, I’ve realized that I’ve been that woman throwing her last coins into the Salvation Army bucket.  And it wasn’t often done out of reverence.  When I was younger, I might put my penny in so I wouldn’t feel bad about walking past the bucket without putting anything in.  Sometimes I did put my last coins in as a way of saying, “I know it’s not much, but it’s what I’ve got.  I’ll just trust you to provide the increase.”  A few times though, I put my last coins in as an act of protest and complaint; “You want everything?  Fine take my last pennies.  I do my best, I trust in you and I get left with nothing but a couple of pennies.”

Research has found that poorer people give more of their money away than others.  A lot of that is because the amounts given as often so small that you weren’t going to do much with the money anyways.   It occured to me that maybe the widow wasn’t so sanguine about her life and her struggles either.  Two copper coins wasn’t worth much.   It would barely have bought food for one meal.  And then what?  Maybe that widow too had been walking this path for too long.  Maybe she was more broken than obedient and was throwing those copper pieces as a form of defiance and challenge to God?  Maybe that was exactly what Jesus saw her doing when he praised her action.  I know that if at one of those moments, God had praised those pennies I threw at him, it would have meant everything to me. Continue reading “Throwing Pennies at God”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter5 Comments
life, prayer, religion, thoughts

It Will Be Alright. Or So I’ve Been Told

This was where I was a year ago. The details of the circumstances have shifted around a bit, but really, pretty much nothing has changed.

A friend recently sent a note in which she commented on the lack of “why me?” talk on my blog.  Silly girl – I was raised Catholic.  I can think of at least 100 reasons all of this is my own fault right off the top of my head!  That, plus the fact that life has been handing me inexplicably little help for as long as I can remember means that I let “why me?” go a long time ago.  There are only two answers: “you’re doing it wrong” or “because this is the way you need to go“.   Either I’m screwing something up and should fix it – hence the Catholic guilt – or this is one of those things that will only make sense later.  Frankly, Catholic guilt gets a bad rap – it’s downright empowering in light of the alternative!

Suck it up, kid. You’ll get a better one in heaven.

This was a tough week.  It was one of those weeks where an emotional rough patch and a life rough patch collided and made a mess all over the highway of my life.  (I keep telling God he needs to pave the damn thing.)  And just to make sure that all of this doesn’t get to be too routine, my wonderful parents were visiting, so I had an audience.

If you read my book The Upside Down World ~ A Book of Wisdom in Progress, you will remember that I first met God in a fit of enraged blasphemy.  Which means that I’ve always felt free to itch and moan and be as upset as I want to be in prayer.  Besides, Jesus was said to have prayed with “loud cries and tears” himself.  So by the end of the week, my prayers had devolved into demands: “I can’t do this.  I’m not going to do this.  You need to fix this.  Not just spiritually, but for real.  In the real world.  This isn’t right.  And besides, it’s not just me – I have all these kids.  If it were just me, fine – but it’s not.  You need to fix this right now.  I’m not Joseph – I can’t wait 40 years for you to bring it all together.  You won’t even help me figure out what to do – I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing!  If I’m doing it wrong, just tell me – but that doesn’t mean I can even fix it.  What am I supposed to do?  Why won’t you just help meeeeeeeeee!”  At which point, I’m like an overly dramatic, whiney emo-teen and I have to withdraw to pout a bit while the Spirit intercedes with “groanings too deep for words” before I end up with another tattoo and a facial piercing.  (I have always wanted to get my eyebrow pierced, though. Continue reading “It Will Be Alright. Or So I’ve Been Told”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter4 Comments
family, life, relationships, religion

“If Any Man Come to Me and Hates Not . . .”

Yup. I'm about as intimidating as this guy here.
Yup. I’m about as intimidating as this guy here.

Back when I was 18, I had two different guys I dated break up with me and give me the exact same reason: I was intimidating. That’s the word they both used. Which is really weird. I’m about as intimidating as a tree sloth. Which is to say not in the least. Now if they had said I was sloppy or spent too much time sleeping or wasn’t ambitious enough, that I could have understood. (See – like a tree sloth!) But intimidating? Hardly.

Interestingly enough, it turned out that both of these young men felt intimidated by me for the same reasons. I didn’t drink. I didn’t smoke. I didn’t view making money as the most important goal I could have for my life. And they did. Now, I had never criticized either of them for these things. Not even obliquely. They drank. I didn’t. No big deal. I never asked them to stop, never said I didn’t want to be around them when they did, never spoke poorly about people who drank. Nothing. The same with smoking for the one who smoked. The same with money. But both of them were intimidated by me because of this.

What was really going on was that by not sharing in their behaviors and priorities, I wasn’t affirming them. If I had been critical, they could have just blown me off as a stick-in-the-mud. If I had tried to get them to change their behavior or priorities, they could have told me to mind my own business and leave if I didn’t like it. So when I also didn’t criticize or judge them for the ways they were different than me, they didn’t have anything to react against in order to self-affirm. But I didn’t do those things. Instead I was content to let them be them and me be me and just enjoy each other’s company. Which meant all they had was themselves. And there was something in both of them that wasn’t entirely comfortable with their own choices and priorities. Being around me made that discomfort harder to ignore. It made them feel less confident and sure about themselves which was why they experienced me as intimidating. Continue reading ““If Any Man Come to Me and Hates Not . . .””

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter2 Comments
bible, religion

One Sermon*

preacher3In the minds of many people, the story of Christianity starts at the fall -with sin and our need for a savior. But that’s not true. The start of the Christian story is the secret of our true identities. We are image bearers. Before we are sinners. Before we need a savior. We are a people who bear the very image of God as our identity. When we skip over this truth and go straight to our sin, we allow the work of the enemy rather than the work of God to define us.

Too many Christians participate with this deception of seeing ourselves primarily as sinners. Perhaps this is because sin is what is easiest for us to see from the outside looking in. In scripture sin is usually spoken of in terms of being unclean, dirty, filthy. Sin obscures that core of who we were created to be – images of God himself. But sin can’t change it or take it away. Think of it like a diamond that gets left in a tide pool and becomes encrusted with mud, bits of shells, plant materials, maybe even eaten and crapped back out. The diamond is still there, unchanged. But it has been completely encrusted with filth until there is no remaining visible sign of it’s existence.  There are many verses in scripture which speak of our sins being washed away. We are washed in the blood of Christ. And once those sins are washed away, what is revealed? Who we really are – images of the God who created us.

This is what salvation is. Continue reading “One Sermon*”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter3 Comments
being mom, family, kids, life, religion, thoughts

Wrestling Hope

“Totally without hope one cannot live. To live without hope is to cease to live. Hell is hopelessness. It is no accident that above the entrance to Dante’s hell is the inscription: ‘Leave behind all hope, you who enter here.'” Jurgen Moltmann

I’ve wrestled a lot with hope in the last few years. Mostly to try and send it away. “Hope deferred makes a heart sick.” I’ve had enough of being sick. But allowing oneself to venture into hell is a dangerous thing as well. I know – I’ve wandered into hell more than once as of late and couldn’t muster the strength to find my way back out.

I’ve taken to resisting comfort. I’ve fallen for it too many times before. I’ve read the words of scripture and their promises that God will not abandon me or let me fall. My heart has leapt at them only to find that holding onto comfort is like holding onto water as it slips out between your fingers. And God is no where to be seen but my failure is all around me. Better not to let myself try to grab hold any more.

I’ve gazed at the cross with its promise of redemption after suffering. But Jesus’ suffering lasted for a weekend and mine is lasting for years. Jesus’ suffering was probably greater than mine, but it’s not a competition. My neighbor’s broken leg doesn’t make my broken heart hurt any less. I’d say I just want my suffering to end, but the damage has already been done. What difference does it make now?

And then I realize that it is an evil thing I’m fighting with which bids me to remain in hell and refuse comfort as too little too late and far too quickly gone. Continue reading “Wrestling Hope”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter8 Comments
life, religion

Self-Dependence

When I was a senior in high school, I came across a poem which became my moral compass in a way, for my life ever since. It’s called Self Dependence by Matthew Arnold (you probably had to read his poem “Dover Beach” in high school):

Self Dependence

WEARY of myself, and sick of asking
What I am, and what I ought to be,
At the vessel’s prow I stand, which bears me
Forwards, forwards, o’er the starlit sea.

And a look of passionate desire
O’er the sea and to the stars I send:
‘Ye who from my childhood up have calm’d me,
Calm me, ah, compose me to the end.

‘Ah, once more,’ I cried, ‘ye Stars, ye Waters.
On my heart your mighty charm renew:
Still, still let me, as I gaze upon you,
Feel my soul becoming vast like you.’

From the intense, clear, star-sown vault of heaven,
Over the lit sea’s unquiet way,
In the rustling night-air came the answer—
‘Wouldst thou be as these are? Live as they.

‘Unaffrighted by the silence round them,
Undistracted by the sights they see,
These demand not that the things without them
Yield them love, amusement, sympathy.

‘And with joy the stars perform their shining,
And the sea its long moon-silver’d roll.
For alone they live, nor pine with noting
All the fever of some differing soul.

‘Bounded by themselves, and unobservant
In what state God’s other works may be,
In their own tasks all their powers pouring,
These attain the mighty life you see.’ Continue reading “Self-Dependence”

Unknown's avatarRebecca TrotterLeave a comment
bible, culture, current events, life, politics, religion

About Those Tickled Ears

“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.” – 1 Timothy 4:3-4

As a general rule I do my best to adhere to the policy that one ought to promote what one loves rather than bashing what one opposes. But today, I feel the need to warn y’all about the ear ticklers. “Have their ears tickled” was something of an idiom in ancient Rome which meant that a person was listening for things which were pleasing to them rather than the truth. What people looking to have their ears tickled really had a preference for were ideas which were new or novel. Paul warned young Timothy that the day would come when ear ticklers would be all the rage in Christian circles. And people being people, the accusation of tickling ears has probably been thrown around among Christians who disagree with each other ever since.

Now, I must be upfront and let y’all know that I have myself been accused of being an ear tickler on more than one occasion. If you can believe it. And I’ve noticed that whenever I’ve encountered someone warning about ear ticklers, the underlying assumption is always that ear tickling starts with rejecting a wrathful, condemning, harsh God. For some reason these people seem to be under the impression that it is a common problem that human beings would desire a nice, squishy God whose motto is “I’m OK, you’re OK.” Only I’ve yet to see any evidence of any such thing. Just the opposite, in fact. Continue reading “About Those Tickled Ears”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter12 Comments
bible, religion

How Will We Be Judged?

Every once in a while, don’t you wish your life had a 30 second reverse feature? Like for when you spill a cup of coffee on your laptop. Or blurt out something offensive. Or cause an accident while driving. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? A way to deal with those moments when you want to yell “do over!” and try it again – only without the split second screw-up. Now, imagine dying and discovering that your entire life has been one long “I’d like a do-over” experience. That would really, really suck, wouldn’t it?

A lot of Christians like to talk about judgment or judgment day as if they had the slightest idea what happens during judgment. Many seem to think St. Peter’s going to meet us at the pearly gates where he’ll check to see if your names on the list of people who have had a born-again conversion moment like a celestial bouncer. Or there will be a pop quiz: “it’s all or nothing – by whose name are you saved?” Others basically figure it will be like the ancient Egyptians taught with your good deeds and religious devotion on one side of a scale and your sins on the other. A lot of people seem to think that judgment is going to be a simple matter of declaring yes or no on the person being judged. But really, the bible tells us practically nothing about what happens when we die much less the actual procedure for passing judgment on a soul. Which is pretty unfair, really. Shouldn’t we know what the deal is ahead of time so we can dot our i’s and cross out t’s?

Myself, I have my own theory about what happens at judgment. It’s pretty simple: I think that when you die, you get to experience a sort of playback of your life in which you are able to understand everything you did and everything which happened to you and during which you experience exactly how you and your actions affected the people around you. Every time you caused joy and every time you caused pain, you will have that same experience of joy and pain which you set into motion. If you brought joy to people, this will be a wonderful experience. If you spread pain and misery, it will be it’s own torturous experience. If you hurt a child, it would be better to have a millstone tied around your neck and be cast into the sea than to have to experience the repercussions of that act. Continue reading “How Will We Be Judged?”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter9 Comments
enjoy life, prayer, relationships, religion

The Emotional God

Hey folks – I’ve been trying to write all day and it’s just not happening. I think I’ve written and erased a good 3500 words. Good practice, I suppose. But I probably should have just folded the laundry that’s piled 6 loads deep on the couch. The truth is I’ve been struggling pretty badly lately and that’s never good for my writing. Or much of anything else. I’m just . . . I don’t even know what to say except I’ve just had it. And that re-incarnation had damn well better not be true because if I ever have to do this shit again, I’m gonna be pissed. And I’m going to be a nasty, evil, vile person ‘cuz I’ve tried it the other way and it hasn’t done me a damn bit of good. So, if you could spare a prayer for pitiful me, I’d appreciate it. Maybe God will respond to y’all cuz he’s sure not answering me. OK, that was my pity-party way of saying that I have another repeat for ya. Usual “it’s one of my favorites and most of y’all didn’t read it the first time” disclaimers apply.

A couple of years ago, I was sitting on my front porch steps after dinner, watching my two oldest daughters playing and complaining to God in my head.  I don’t remember what it was (nothing too serious), but the husband had done something to chap my hide.  As I wound down my complaints and let the whole thing go, I asked God in an almost off-handed way, “do you ever have to deal with people treating you like this?”  At which point I’m pretty sure all of heaven burst into hearty guffaws.  But soon a funny thing started happening: as I dealt with people in my life, often some parallel experience between God and people would pop into my head. Continue reading “The Emotional God”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter9 Comments
religion

Is Christianity the One True Religion?

I believe is that Jesus is THE way, THE truth and THE life and that no one comes to the father but by him. However, most Christians basically change that text to read that “no one comes to the father but by believing in” Christ. Now, I do believe that there are benefits and rewards for those who affirm Christ knowingly and by name. Scriptures promise us that. I also believe that it is desirous that every man would know and serve Jesus in that way. However, it is also true that God, like the land owner in the parable of the talents “reaps where he did not sow and gathers where he did not scatter seed.” Anyone who seeks after and submits themselves to love is seeking after and submitting to God. God is love. There is no expression or experience of love apart from God whether he is known or named or not.

I see other religions very much along the lines of what Paul told the Athenians when he said that the unknown God they worshiped was God himself and then quoted pagan poetry in order to illustrate the fact that although they did not know this God by name, tradition or doctrine, they had still attained some measure of understanding about him.

It is my understanding that any time someone is are able to find some measure of love and truth, this is due to the work of Jesus – both his salvific work and his creative work – “through him all things were made”. But this reality is not dependent on human knowledge, understanding or even acceptance of Jesus. I think of it as being a lot like oxygen. Oxygen existed and was sustaining our very lives for a long time before anyone knew it was there or what it did or even that they depended on it for life. The life sustaining work of oxygen doesn’t depend on human knowledge, acknowledgment or understanding. I think that the truth that no man can come to the father – or can even know love – outside of Jesus is much the same. It is a truth which exists all on its own regardless of whether we know or accept it as true. Continue reading “Is Christianity the One True Religion?”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter24 Comments