My Sophia is upset. You see, today at school the local police will be taking the fingerprints of all kindergarteners whose parents signed a permission slip for them to do so. Her father and I have not and will not grant permission for her fingerprints to be taken. Which means that Sophia will be left sitting somewhere by herself while the rest of the kids … Continue reading Why My Kindergartener Will Not Be Getting Fingerprinted
When my husband was 8 his mother moved them from Austin, Texas to the Robert Taylor Housing Projects in Chicago. It was quite the culture shock for him and his siblings to say the least. As the eldest brother and being an unusually large, strong child it was understood both in his own home and out on the streets that he had a responsibility for … Continue reading Turning the Other Cheek – A Lesson in Assertiveness
Ugh, I’ve been struggling to figure out how to write this post for several days, but no clever ideas have come to me so I suppose I may as well just dive in and vomit it out. The last you heard from me, I was going to go curl up in the fetal position. Which wasn’t hyperbole. I was probably a couple of days out from … Continue reading Hi. Remember Me?
It is Friday. And Friday is a good day for wine. Because you’re too tired to do anything crazy, but something to take the edge off is called for. Wine is perfect for that! And let me tell you, if you are getting drunk off of wine, the wine you are drinking isn’t good enough. Or you’re not paying enough attention to it. Either way, … Continue reading Did the Ex Try to Poison Me? Plus, A Guide to Wine for the Newbie.
I wish I could show the beauty I see in you when love looks through me Many poets say that their poems just come to them, often fully formed. This is both how I usually write poems and why I haven’t written a lot more poetry. Usually it starts with some phrase that floats around my head for a while. Sometimes that’s all there is. I’ve had some phrases … Continue reading Writing my first traditional, non-sucky Haiku
I used to know a woman who did parent education with low-income, teen moms. One day we were talking about teaching basic nutrition and moms putting soda in baby bottles (something which is simply unimaginable to the sort of moms I hang out with). She explained to me, “usually she is trying to be nice to her baby. She likes soda. She’s a teen so she thinks everyone is making a big deal out of nothing if they say soda is bad. And really, she just wants to give the baby something that they will enjoy having. Then the baby is quiet and she feels like a good mom.”
And I thought about it and kind of nodded my head. Obviously, we’re talking about mom-kid who is fatherless and has probably been abused. Her own mother who was probably the same. There’s actually a developmental point where a baby who wants to share starts to understand that what she likes isn’t always the right thing to offer to someone else. But that happens in toddlerhood. And then for a little while I decided that these girls must be really messed up to think it was just being nice to let their babies drink cola. Until I reminded myself that I regularly let my kids drink out of my coffee mug and will even make them their own mini-cup as a treat. Um, maybe they are just adolescents with really bad taste and a teenaged perspective on life doing what many parents do sometimes? Many people do say that adolescence and toddlerhood are pretty much the same thing after all. Continue reading “God is father to the fatherless. We just call ’em bastards.”
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. ~Kenji Miyazawa In the spring of 2000, I received a phone call informing me that my husband had collapsed at work and been taken to a nearby hospital. By the time I got there, he was being released. They had decided that he was having an asthma attack, so despite the fact that … Continue reading What to do if someone starts crying in front of you
I’m not sure exactly what came over me, but one afternoon in the music room in junior high I was so charged up from a long day of doing anything I could think of to keep myself amused that I stood up and belted out the words “Look at moi! I’m as helpless as a piglet in a trough! . . . I get hungry just holding your hand!” like a 12 year old soprano Ethel Merman. That afternoon, I remember standing by my mom’s bed where she was folding laundry and telling her a little sheepishly that I was going to be Miss Piggy in the school play. It was kind of a big deal for me, but the thought of my family seeing me behave so outrageously was pretty mortifying. And not only that, but I was going to be singing and dancing with a boy in my class. In front of everyone! A kind of cute boy even. (Not that he could hold a candle to Justin Donneley who was not only the hottest 12 year old ever, but inexplicably, spoke with an english accent of some sort. I think I would have lost control of myself in some way if I had to dance with Justin Donnely in front of everyone.)
I, of course, stole the show. Or maybe not. I don’t really remember. But what I do remember is something my mom told me after the show. Some woman who I vaguely knew existed had sought out my mom and told her that I had “a voice like a beautiful bell.” Now, I do love singing – always have. But for many years, I had a huge hang-up about singing in front of people. So, I really had to push past my comfort zone to make a big ham out of myself in front of my classmates and whoever else was there. This woman’s compliment was my reward.
I now only have a medium sized hang-up about singing in front of people. Continue reading “The Right Way to Stone Those You Love”
I wrote this poem ages and ages ago but never thought it was very good. But lines from it keep popping into my head lately. So I thought I’d share. I am the willow in winter Long swaying branches like tenticles dance on frigid air tinkling an icy fugue the leafless branches are all beauty, no life. I will be the willow in spring reaching down to … Continue reading I Am The Willow In Winter
Each of my children has a story we tell them about some way in which their lives have mattered. I believe that it’s one thing to tell a kid they are important and that they matter, but it’s something of a gift to them to be able to tell them how they have mattered. Then they’re not just a lowly child floating out in the world with no real base or purpose to start with. It grounds the message that they have value in their real world. It’s concrete evidence for them that just because they exist, the world is a different, better place.
My oldest Noah was born when his father and I were not married. If it wasn’t for him, we would not have formed a family and his siblings wouldn’t be here. And his birth also changed me. Before having him, if you had walked up to me at any given moment and said, “I’m sorry, only real humans are allowed here. Penguins such as yourself belong elsewhere” and I would have shrugged at being caught and thanked you for telling me I was a penguin – I had been wondering about that. I had a bad case of imposter’s syndrome. Practically from the start, parenting Noah was something I just knew how to do and I felt completely comfortable doing it. It was almost like working out of an area of spiritual blessing and was an important step on the way to me knowing (hopefully) more and more of who God created me to be.
Collin, who is now 12 was born while his dad was very sick. His medical care was awful but we were young and hadn’t yet realized that the system works differently once your illness has no identifiable cause or treatment. They eventually told us that he was crazy – really, they did. They even gave us a black binder with a report saying so. Continue reading “Do Your Kids Know Their Own Story?”
The Upside Down World 