Happy Birthday, Noah!

In a few minutes my oldest son Noah turns 13. Right now, he and his brother are in our basement with a half-dozen other boys watching a movie and playing gameboy. They were playing sword tag down there earlier and now it smells like a high school boy’s locker room. They’re at that age where they still care about Pokemon more than girls or clothes, but they’re starting to smell like men. A couple of his friend’s voices have changed and I’ve been startled more than once tonight by the sound of men talking coming up from the basement.

Tonight as I thought about my son’s entry into the teenage years, I realized that more than anything I feel amazed at where we are. At how well things have turned out. You see, 13 years ago, I was unmarried, essentially homeless, directionless and poor as all get out. I had really planned on placing him for adoption. After all, I knew the statistics. I knew that the odds of us living comfortably were lousy, of me ever getting married were worse, that the odds of him growing to manhood without falling into the traps which catch so many boys raised by single mother were not good. Everyone I knew told me this was the right thing to do. I thought it was the right thing to do.

Except one thing; I asked God and He said no. Specifically, He said, “I am giving this child to you to care for.” I remember exactly where I was: in my junk-packed little red Ford Escort on Roosevelt Road, turning left onto Lorraine on my way to meet with people who might give me a place to live. It was about 7 o’clock at night in November, dark and rainy. I had just said, “God, just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” And He did. Continue reading “Happy Birthday, Noah!”

It is family that will change the world

It has been my observation for some time that we have a very bizarre disconnect in our culture between the way we treat our children and the adults they become. On one hand, when we run across an adult with emotional, mental or substance abuse problems and they share the traumas of their childhood, we are sympathetic. We can see the line between neglect, humiliation, abuse, a failure to protect, etc and the problems which this person has as an adult.

On the other hand, we somehow seem to think that children will survive all manner of things from being dumped in a crowded daycare for 12 hours a day at 6 weeks, to watching violent and sexual entertainment, to being bullied at school without any serious damage being done. It’s as if we as a society seem to think that as long as our children are not subject to permanent bodily harm and have adequate exposure to education and enrichment activities, we’ve done our job. There’s no serious consideration given to the sort of people we are raising and the effect that masses of people raised without adequate attention, nurturing, values and compassion will have on our society. Even when we claim to be advocating for kids, we have a hard time connecting the children of today with the adults they will become. We speak of children as the future, as if they were magical beings who can set things right by virtue of compelling the adults around them to behave well so as not to upset the children’s cuteness, not out of concern for the sort of adults they will one day be.

We have compassion for damaged people on the back end while refusing to do anything to stop the activities which cause this damage to begin with. Adults rule, the kids will be alright and families are whatever the adults want them to be. Continue reading “It is family that will change the world”

Women’s Roles in the Bible

wives_submitI have two rules which guide me in my study of scriptures:

1. If the bible is unchanging, then it can not have been intended to communicate one thing to the people to whom it was originally given and something entirely different today.  If our modern common sense reading of scripture is in conflict with how the ancients would have understood the same verses, then our modern understanding is wrong, no matter how obvious, universally held or apparent it is.

2. Where the bible appears to be in conflict with its self or with the real world around us, this should be seen as a red marker pointing to something which needs to be explored further.  Too often we try to explain away these contradictions or make the unacceptable seem more reasonable when what we really need to do is pray, study and dig deeper.  In my experience I have frequently found that these “red markers” point to areas where there is a problem with translation or our modern assumptions are interfering with our understanding and on occassion, I have even come to see that some aspect of our understanding about God or life is entirely off base and needs to be adjusted.

These two rules have served me well, although what I learn from applying them frequently leaves me well outside of mainstream Christian opinion on some issues.  I haven’t quite decided yet if that is a good thing or bad thing and what I’m supposed to do with all that, but time will tell.

At any rate, one of the most vexing problems of scriptures for us moderns is the bible and women.  My first revelation that there might be something wrong with our modern approach to what the bible says about women came years ago when my husband and I were newly married.  We were having a really hard time and I went into a Christian bookstore looking for some sort of answer which would rid us our misery.  While browsing through books, I came across one which claimed to explain the biblical injunction for wives to submit to their husbands in such a way that a woman could be at peace with her role.  The key, this author claimed, was that women had the easier part; while women were called to submit, men actually had to LOVE their wives.  You see, the oft quoted verses first tell women to submit to their husbands and for husbands to love their lives.  Since only husbands are instructed to love their wives, this author reasoned, women were free to despise, hate or just be indifferent to their husbands so long as they were submissive towards them. Continue reading “Women’s Roles in the Bible”

Did you know that homeschoolers sometimes leave their homes?

I’m still waiting to get my internet back on, so I don’t have time to blog properly about this, but I just wanted to direct everyone’s attention to an Outlook article from the Washington Post on homeschooling written by an actual homeschooling parent, no less!  (I’m sure I’m the 5 kabilionth homeschool blogger to point this article out, but hey!) Continue reading Did you know that homeschoolers sometimes leave their homes?

The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List

This is awesome:

The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List

By Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling, Issue #1, Fall 2007

1 Please stop asking us if it’s legal. If it is — and it is — it’s insulting to imply that we’re criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words “socialize” and “socialization” mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you’re talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we’ve got a decent grasp of both concepts. Continue reading “The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List”

Things I have learned about homeschooling

This is our 5th year homeschooling. I’ve been doing it long enough that I’m now considered “experienced”. New homeschoolers will often eagerly ask my advice when I first meet them. Of course, many of them don’t seem to like what I have to say. 🙂 We use a rather unstructured, almost unschooling approach which I think freaks some people out. But whether you are more structured or more free-form in your approach, I have learned a few things during the last five years which I think are probably helpful for most homeschoolers to keep in mind. So here’s my list of some of the things I’ve learned so far:

1. You have more time than you think. Continue reading “Things I have learned about homeschooling”