Category: enjoy life

being mom, enjoy life, life, thoughts

Sometimes You Just Have To Be Your Own Cheerleader!

Dearest Rebecca,

Hi! I’ve heard that you’ve been having a hard time lately so I thought you could use some encouragement. I know that between being sick and hating housework and wishing you could have just one full child free day and night every couple of years, you feel like you’re drowning and can’t hold things together. Heck, I hear that you even lost your purse last week after leaving it on the top of the car. What a bummer! But, you know, shit happens. Shake it off. No use crying over spilt milk and all that. I mean look at all the things you’re juggling. You’ve got 5 kids. Everyday you make sure people are wearing clean clothes and sleeping on clean sheets and some days your own clothes are even clean. You check backpacks and harass errant students and sometimes even remember girl scout meetings before they start. Continue reading “Sometimes You Just Have To Be Your Own Cheerleader!”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter4 Comments
enjoy life, life, religion

The Right Way to Stone Those You Love

Missy Piggy Tattoo by Jamie Sapp. Inspired by my career making performance, no doubt.

I’m not sure exactly what came over me, but one afternoon in the music room in junior high I was so charged up from a long day of doing anything I could think of to keep myself amused that I stood up and belted out the words “Look at moi! I’m as helpless as a piglet in a trough! . . . I get hungry just holding your hand!” like a 12 year old soprano Ethel Merman.  That afternoon, I remember standing by my mom’s bed where she was folding laundry and telling her a little sheepishly that I was going to be Miss Piggy in the school play.  It was kind of a big deal for me, but the thought of my family seeing me behave so outrageously was pretty mortifying.  And not only that, but I was going to be singing and dancing with a boy in my class.  In front of everyone!  A kind of cute boy even.  (Not that he could hold a candle to Justin Donneley who was not only the hottest 12 year old ever, but inexplicably, spoke with an english accent of some sort.  I think I would have lost control of myself in some way if I had to dance with Justin Donnely in front of everyone.)

I, of course, stole the show.  Or maybe not.  I don’t really remember.  But what I do remember is something my mom told me after the show.  Some woman who I vaguely knew existed had sought out my mom and told her that I had “a voice like a beautiful bell.”  Now, I do love singing – always have.  But for many years, I had a huge hang-up about singing in front of people.  So, I really had to push past my comfort zone to make a big ham out of myself in front of my classmates and whoever else was there.  This woman’s compliment was my reward.

I now only have a medium sized hang-up about singing in front of people.  Continue reading “The Right Way to Stone Those You Love”

Unknown's avatarRebecca TrotterLeave a comment
being mom, enjoy life, family, kids

Do Your Kids Know Their Own Story?

Trotter children are immediately identifiable by their curly hair

Each of my children has a story we tell them about some way in which their lives have mattered.  I believe that it’s one thing to tell a kid they are important and that they matter, but it’s something of a gift to them to be able to tell them how they have mattered.  Then they’re not just a lowly child floating out in the world with no real base or purpose to start with.  It grounds the message that they have value in their real world.  It’s concrete evidence for them that just because they exist, the world is a different, better place.

My oldest Noah was born when his father and I were not married.  If it wasn’t for him, we would not have formed a family and his siblings wouldn’t be here.  And his birth also changed me.  Before having him, if you had walked up to me at any given moment and said, “I’m sorry, only real humans are allowed here.  Penguins such as yourself belong elsewhere” and I would have shrugged at being caught and thanked you for telling me I was a penguin – I had been wondering about that.  I had a bad case of imposter’s syndrome.  Practically from the start, parenting Noah was something I just knew how to do and I felt completely comfortable doing it.  It was almost like working out of an area of spiritual blessing and was an important step on the way to me knowing (hopefully) more and more of who God created me to be. 

Collin, who is now 12 was born while his dad was very sick.  His medical care was awful but we were young and hadn’t yet realized that the system works differently once your illness has no identifiable cause or treatment.  They eventually told us that he was crazy – really, they did.  They even gave us a black binder with a report saying so.  Continue reading “Do Your Kids Know Their Own Story?”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter3 Comments
enjoy life, humor, thoughts

An Aspiring Dumb Aleck Speaks

When I was a kid, every time one of my parents said, “don’t be a smart aleck” I had to supress the mighty urge to respond, “would you rather I be a dumb aleck?”  (I’m pretty sure my attempts at repression failed more than once.)  Even worse was when my dad would get frustrated with me and tell me, “ah- you just think you’re right.”  Well, yeah – of course I think I’m right.  If I thought I were wrong, I would change my mind.  Duh.  Change my mind if I’m so wrong.  (At this point my father is saying to the monitor: “finally – she tells it like it really is!” To which I must simply point out that I was a teenager who never drank, smoked, did drugs, went to parties, dated or had sex.  And I was usually on the honor roll and attended mass daily.  The challenges of raising me could probably be viewed as the parenting equivalents of first world problems.)

My favorite people have always been the ones who I could crack wise with to my heart’s content.  Part of the bond I always shared with the qxh (quasi-ex-husband) was the fact that I could say almost any outrageous over-the-top thing that popped into my head around him.  Which can create its own complications.  I had to sit him down a couple of years into our marriage to explain that we don’t actually live in a sitcom and if he didn’t tone it down, he was going to find himself in the middle of a family melodrama with no batteries in the remote. 

Last night I attended a divorce care recovery group where it was recommended that we make a list of what we have lost in divorce.  One of those things for me has been having a place for my personality to just sprawl out where ever it wanted to go.  Continue reading “An Aspiring Dumb Aleck Speaks”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter1 Comment
culture, enjoy life, life

What were your “25 Random Things”?

Remember when everyone was writing their “25 Random Things” lists on facebook?  Believe or not, it’s been 2 years since that became such a big thing that news outlets devoted coverage to the phenomena which I think means it’s time to take a look back and see what’s changed, what’s the same and maybe what we wish we hadn’t said.  I invite you to share your “25 Random Things” list in the comments below.  If you are a blogger, this is an easy blog post – link back here or put a link in the comments below.

Here’s my list from January 17, 2009:

1. I always put the toilet lid down before flushing. You should to.
2. For several years when I was little my dad owned a small Cessna airplane. Except for my dad’s airplane, I have not flown since I was 3.
3. I am very funny. Sometimes other people even agree with me.
4. I am often stunned at how beautiful, smart and funny my little girls are.
5. I’m not entirely sure what my natural hair color is.
6. I have a spiritual director I meet with once a month.
7. I will be putting pictures of the plants I start from seed and grow under lights up on facebook all spring. They make me very, very happy.
8. I’m not a very good gardener. But I am sure that in 10 years I will be.
9. I did prison ministry in college.
10. I am taking the test to join Mensa next Saturday.
11. I’ve never met anyone I like (and sometimes hated) as much as my husband.
12. I enjoy reading stories about people’s near-death experiences.
13. I had my first alcoholic drink the fall after I turned 20.
14. I am currently writing my spiritual memoir and I’m very happy with how it’s going. (Please send any writer’s agents you may know my way!)
15. Two of the guys I dated in college broke up with me because they said I was intimidating. Continue reading “What were your “25 Random Things”?”

Unknown's avatarRebecca TrotterLeave a comment
enjoy life, prayer, relationships, religion

The Emotional God

A couple of years ago, I was sitting on my front porch steps after dinner, watching my two oldest daughters playing and complaining to God in my head.  I don’t remember what it was (nothing too serious), but the qxh (quasi-ex-husband) had done something to chap my hide.  As I wound down my complaints and let the whole thing go, I asked God in an almost off-handed way, “do you ever have to deal with people treating you like this?”  At which point I’m pretty sure all of heaven burst into hearty guffaws.  But soon a funny thing started happening: as I dealt with people in my life, often some parallel experience between God and people would pop into my head. 

Sometimes it was something little, like calling someone who did not answer their phone.  How often does God try to reach out to people who ignore or reject the call because they are too busy, inattentive or just don’t feel like it?  I would ask one of my boys to load and run the dishwasher only to discover at dinnertime hours later that we had no clean pots, plates or utensils.  Suppose God ever asks people to do things that don’t get done?  Ocasionally, I would have to deal with someone who insisted on talking over me, refused to listen to my perspective or treat it with respect.  Yeah, I’m sure God never has to deal with stuff like that, right?

By the next summer a variety of calamities, traumas and disappointments had hit my family full force.  As the qxh started to dissemble and then turn on me, these parallels became more pointed and poignant.  Loving someone who is being supremely difficult, unreasonable and hostile turns out to be something that God is intimately familiar with.  Continue reading “The Emotional God”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter2 Comments
being mom, enjoy life, life

Mindfulness and Procrastination

There’s probably nothing guaranteed to make you feel worse on a day-in-day out basis than those unfinished tasks we just keep putting off.   Unsent thankyou notes, unfolded laundry, bills, making that doctor’s appointment.  Whatever.  They just hang over our heads like big neon signs screaming “irresponsible”, “lazy”, “unorganized”.  I know that a lot of people swear by lists, but that has never worked for me.  I am completely unrealistic about what I can get done in a day, I am dissatisfied with anything less than near-perfection and the list thing just puts those two tendencies on a collision course with burn-out and discouragement.  But in my relentless quest to be both healthy and happy – at the same time – I have hit on something that works for disorderly, easily discouraged, unrealistic me.

The way things usually work is that in the back of my mind, I will know there’s something I need to get done.  Sometimes these things will pop into my head at an inopportune time.  And because it’s not done, I just have a gut level reaction to the task which is a combination of guilt and dread.  So I put it off again.  It’s waited this long, right?  Over and over.  Continue reading “Mindfulness and Procrastination”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter1 Comment
current events, enjoy life, politics

A Recovering Political Junkie’s Advice for Campaign 2012

Donuts. . . Mmmmmm

This may come as a shock to people who thought I was a rational human, but I have a confession to make: I was a political junkie.  It’s true.  I followed every twist and turn of our democratic system at play.  Cuz a properly functioning democracy relies on a well informed electorate.  Your granddad used to read the paper front to back every day.  There were psa’s in the middle of my sitcoms telling me to “be informed” when I was growing up.  What can I say? 

For those of you who don’t get the political junkie thing, let me tell you a dirty secret: politics is pretty much just like celebrity watching – only for putatively smart people.  Who’s doing what outrageous thing now?  What’s the strategy going to be on this next vote?  How will the electorate react?  What the hell is wrong with Nebraska?  And above all, what’s your opinion and why? 

But here’s the thing: my opinion doesn’t mean squat.  Continue reading “A Recovering Political Junkie’s Advice for Campaign 2012”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter5 Comments
enjoy life, life, thoughts

Thinking Makes It So

“There’s nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare

I picked up this quote back in my senior year in high school while reading Hamlet for class.  When I got to college, I wrote it on a piece of paper and taped it to the wall above my bed.  It’s on my facebook page right now.  

This quote has always spoken to me about the importance of perspective, responsibility and choice.  It says to me that the way I see something – the emotions I associate with it, my analysis of what is going on, the assumptions I make about motivations – is a choice.  If one of my kids says something which is unintentionally rude, I can chose to laugh or be offended.  Sometimes I might have a good reason to be offended, but if I can, I’m going to laugh.  It’s a choice.  And that extends from the biggest things to the smallest things.  I can choose how to view things rather than just go with random gut reactions. Continue reading “Thinking Makes It So”

Unknown's avatarRebecca TrotterLeave a comment
being mom, enjoy life, life

A New Year’s Resolution for the Overwhelmed, Forgetful and Easily Distracted

I hate New Year’s resolutions.  Hate them.  The worst part of New Year’s day for me was always when the qxh (quasi-ex-husband) would pull out a piece of paper and write “Trotter Family Resolutions” across the top.  So we could “pull them out at the end of the year and see how we did”.  Great, another completely unrealistic standard to feel bad about not meeting.  Just what I need! 

The other day I read an article which advised that the key to keeping this year’s resolutions was to set up specific targets.  Like “I will exercise 3 times a week and lose 25 lbs by April 1.”  Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  Seriously.  That’s what it said.  Like the two are related.  Continue reading “A New Year’s Resolution for the Overwhelmed, Forgetful and Easily Distracted”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter2 Comments