My husband wouldn’t want me telling you this, but I’m sitting here waiting for water to heat up on the stove so my girls can take a bath. Because the water heater broke last week and we don’t have money to fix it. It joins the washer, dryer, 6 car tires, van, sedan, kindle, 3 DVD players, dishwasher, computer and 4 kitchen chairs that have broken … Continue reading Am I Still A Good Person if I Can’t Pay the Bills?
In early fall of 2008 I was listening to the radio on the morning that Lehman Brothers failed and there was great concern that this was the beginning of the end of our financial system. It was all a bit scary and I began to pray, “Lord, please protect us.” The response? “Why should I? I have blessed America beyond anything the world has ever … Continue reading God Bless America?
When I was volunteering in juvi, the kids I spent time with ranged from dumb kids who got picked up carrying drugs for a gang to a few who had committed really heinous acts of violence. But we were never told what crimes the kids we worked with had been convicted of and we never came out and asked. I was warned going in that everyone in prison is innocent (because everyone claims to have been wrongly convicted). However, this wasn’t my experience at all. Maybe because I’m non-threatening and good at encouraging people to talk about themselves, but many times during some one-on-one time a kid would explain the particulars of the crime for which they were convicted. The few times I heard claims of innocence, it was accompanied by, “but I can’t complain too much. I did this other, even worse thing and just didn’t get caught. It’s not like I’m innocent and don’t belong here.” Over the course of a few years listening to their stories, I learned something important: most people are doing the best that they can figure out how to do.
Now, let me just say upfront that there are some evil people in this world. In fact, I met a couple while volunteering in juvi. But only a couple. Continue reading “Top 4 Things I Learned in Juvi ~ Part 4 Most People Are Doing the Best They Can”
I bet you didn’t know that I’m psychic. For example, I predict that my 2 year old will hit someone and my 6 year old with start screaming at her sister before I finish writing this blog post. Further, I predict that if you go to a big media story about that school bus monitor who was bullied by a group of 7th grade boys, the comments sections will be filled with people claiming that what these kids need to turn them around is a good ass-wupping. Further, I am so psychic that I already know that at some point in the last couple of years there were a flurry of “I spank my kids so they don’t wind up in jail” messages on your facebook feed. And if you can stand one last display of my amazing psychic prowess, I predict that not a single one of those people talking about keeping their kids out of jail or how kids causing trouble just need a good ass-wuppin’ have actually spent time working with children in juvi. Not. A. Single. One. Of. Them.
Now, just let me say that I’m not some anti-spanking purist. I wish I could say that I’ve never so much as swatted my children on the heinie (although the rare swat is the extent of my version of spanking). In a more ideal world I would never hit one of my kids. But my children just aren’t that good (ha!). Continue reading “Top 4 Things I Learned in Juvi – Part 3 The Myth of the Spoiled Child”
Dear Bertha*,
I am writing to let you know that my daughter mentioned to me today that on several occasions now your daughter Suzi-Q has made derogatory comments to her regarding her half-black heritage. The poor thing even tried claiming that you had told her that you didn’t like black people too. I knew you would want to know about this right away so you can talk to Suzi-Q about not repeating every ridiculous thing she hears some ill-bred child on the playground saying. And of course, we wouldn’t want other, more credulous people to catch wind of her claim that you don’t like black people. I’m sure that she’ll never repeat such nonsense again once she understands that people will assume she is being raised by repugnant trailer-park trash who doesn’t deserve to breathe the air that the Good Lord provides us. I mean, obviously I’ve known perfectly fine people who live in trailer parks and it’s completely possible for scummy filth to reside in a lovely home like your own. But you know how people can be with their ridiculous stereo-typing and absurd assumptions based on the shallowest of pretenses. We’ll just have to hope Suzi-Q’s unfortunate statements haven’t gotten back to anyone else and harmed your family’s good standing in the community. Continue reading “Do You Think I Should Send This?”
If you missed the explanation for what I was doing in juvi (serving kids, not time. I’m interesting, but not that interesting!), you should check out Part 1 Johnny Cash Was Right.
Today I want to talk about the uncle problem. Of all the kids I met at juvi, I can hardly think of more than a hand full who had a father in their life. And as everyone thinks they know, the solution to raising a boy without a man around is to find him alternative male role models. Because that’s all a boy needs a father for – to role model, dontchano? (Deep sarcasm here.) So. many of these kids moms had turned to their brothers to fill that role. Problem fixed, right? Yeah, except that over and over and over again as I talked to these boys I heard stories of uncles who helped them join gangs, gave them spending change for running “packages” around the neighborhood for them, given them drugs and alcohol, hooked them up with women – often females seeking intitiation into their gangs. You name it, uncles brought it. I mentioned it in my post about fatherlessness, but one of the worst stories I ever heard came from a boy who had been given drugs starting at age 5 by uncles who thought it was funny to see a little kid stoned. Continue reading “Top 4 Things I Learned in Juvi – Part 2 The Uncle Problem”
Some of you may know that back in my college days I volunteered in a juvenile prison outside of Chicago. The group I was involved in put on a weekend retreat three times a year for groups of boys. We also did bible study with them off and on. A lot of the boys were from the various ‘hoods in Chicago with others from various rural communities and trailer parks around the state filling out the lot. It probably sounds bizarre, but I was so excited when I first saw the signs looking for volunteers. My Catholic education, at least as I remembered it, mainly consisted of memorizing things. Like the Our Father and Hail Mary and Beatitude and . . . Works of Mercy! Visiting the imprisoned is one of the works of mercy! So being the good, geeky, God-girl that I am, I jumped at the chance. As you can imagine, it turned out to be quite the experience. One day I should write properly about it, but for now, I’m just going to devote a few posts to the top 4 things I learned about life and people from the kids I worked with in juvi. Today’s lesson is the tritest of the 4, but it’s something I feel must be said: Johnny Cash was right – don’t name your boy Sue. Continue reading “The Top 4 Things I Learned in Juvi – Part 1 Johnny Cash Was Right”
I came across this today at patheos.com and I thought it was so beautiful that I’m totally cutting and pasting the whole darn thing because you should read it too:
The Myth of Sex by Tim Muldoon
This is the myth of all myths: that people could use each other and still remember what compassion and tenderness looked and felt like.
In the beginning, the LORD created man and woman in his image.
He blessed them and made them fruitful. Among his many gifts he gave man the gift of physical strength to work, and he gave woman the gift of compassion to cultivate relationships.
Together, man and woman learned each other’s gifts. Woman developed strength and offered her work as an act of compassion. Man learned compassion with his wife and child. Continue reading “The Myth of Sex by Tim Muldoon”
My Sophia is upset. You see, today at school the local police will be taking the fingerprints of all kindergarteners whose parents signed a permission slip for them to do so. Her father and I have not and will not grant permission for her fingerprints to be taken. Which means that Sophia will be left sitting somewhere by herself while the rest of the kids … Continue reading Why My Kindergartener Will Not Be Getting Fingerprinted
Everyone has a theory to explain the breakdown of the family: culture, government policy, the sexual revolution, poverty, racism, global trade, etc, etc. A few days back, I shared my theory: unresolved trauma from often horrific life experiences. I said I was going to write about what I think Christians have a moral obligation to do in response and that is what this post is about. Now, before you snort and click away, allow me to explain myself . . .
A few years ago, the ex told me about a woman he knew who lived in a high poverty area and had put her 14 year old daughter on birth control pills. The girl was an honor student, insisted that she wasn’t sexually active and didn’t intend to become sexually active, and didn’t really want to be on the pills but the mother insisted. I told my husband that I thought it was probably a good idea. Not necessarily because the pills themselves would keep her from getting pregnant, but because the discipline of having to remember to take one at the same time everyday would serve her well.
Many of us grew up in homes with bedtimes, we sat down for meals with our families, got handed a vitamin with breakfast by mom and could always find a quiet spot to do homework. Often we don’t appreciate the way these simple routines and disciplines shape and prepare us to manage our lives in the real world. Including using birth control methods effectively.
I was a poor single mom. I have known a lot of much more stereotypical poor single moms (ie not just the black sheep of an intact, well-educated, upper-middle class family). I can personally attest to the fact that is not hard to get condoms or birth control pills. People practically throw them at you when you’re a college student or a single mom. The problem is I have known more than one person who became a parent while a bag of condoms from the local clinic sat on a dresser across the room. Continue reading “Why Christians Have a Moral Obligation Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage”
The Upside Down World 