I can’t begin to imagine where they got it from – probably their father’s side – but I have some rather dramatic children. We still laugh about the time we told 5 year old Noah to put a book away and he contorted his face into a picture of agony, lifted the book above his head and bellowed, “noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!” like a super-hero villain whose plans … Continue reading God : Me :: Me : The drama troupe I gave birth to
I homeschooled my two boys, Noah (17) and Collin (13) from 2003 to 2009 before putting them in school. The school thing did not go well. Collin got on the B honor roll once which was the extent of either of their success with the whole thing. Noah seemed to think that not getting straight Fs was a high enough goal for him. Collin was bullied by both students and teachers. Noah contented himself with trying to make everyone scared of him so they would leave him alone. This last year I allowed them both to start doing online schooling which came with its own new set of problems, but they are finally getting the hang of it. Of course, for those who always KNEW I was making a mistake with homeschooling them, their lack of performance is proof-positive that homeschooling them was a horrible mistake which has most likely ruined their ability to become productive human beings who don’t live in someone’s basement playing video games.
Dearest Rebecca,
Hi! I’ve heard that you’ve been having a hard time lately so I thought you could use some encouragement. I know that between being sick and hating housework and wishing you could have just one full child free day and night every couple of years, you feel like you’re drowning and can’t hold things together. Heck, I hear that you even lost your purse last week after leaving it on the top of the car. What a bummer! But, you know, shit happens. Shake it off. No use crying over spilt milk and all that. I mean look at all the things you’re juggling. You’ve got 5 kids. Everyday you make sure people are wearing clean clothes and sleeping on clean sheets and some days your own clothes are even clean. You check backpacks and harass errant students and sometimes even remember girl scout meetings before they start. Continue reading “Sometimes You Just Have To Be Your Own Cheerleader!”
My Sophia is upset. You see, today at school the local police will be taking the fingerprints of all kindergarteners whose parents signed a permission slip for them to do so. Her father and I have not and will not grant permission for her fingerprints to be taken. Which means that Sophia will be left sitting somewhere by herself while the rest of the kids … Continue reading Why My Kindergartener Will Not Be Getting Fingerprinted
I clipped this essay out of the local paper 10 years ago and don’t know who the original author is, but wanted to share: For all parents and grandparents . . . The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140. This does not touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads to … Continue reading Children: What’s the return on investment?
Train a child up in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. ~ Proverbs 22:6
This is a much used and much abused scripture verse when it comes to parenting. Many parents hold onto it while raising their kids and think it means “If I teach him right from wrong, he’ll stay on the straight and narrow.” These same parents all too often find themselves wondering if maybe this was one of those bible verses which shouldn’t be taken too literally some years later. Sometimes it can be the source of a great deal of heartache. But there are several problems with the way this verse is often read.
First of all, there’s the “in the way that he should go” issue. I have written before about how our children come with their own personalities, needs and journeys to walk. Teaching kids right and wrong is a small part of parenting. It simply says “this is how people should behave.” That’s an entirely different issue than actually raising a kid. To raise a kid, we need to show them “here’s how to walk the path you will need to walk.”
The word “way” – Hebrew darkow – indicates a path or journey. When used in reference to God it indicates his way of doing things. We will each have our own way of doing what God requires of us. This is what we need to prepared for. Simply exhorting good behavior and punishing bad isn’t going to cut it, imo.
Secondly, it should be noted that the promise’s fulfillment is “when he is old”. Continue reading “Raise a child up and whaaaaa?”
Want to do something amazing for your relationship with your kids? Engage in this thought exercise:
Think of a good friend; someone you genuinely like and care about. (Don’t use your spouse – too many in-law issues!) What sort of parent would you want for that friend? If you were somehow able to go back and parent your friend yourself, how would you do it?
I have found that by looking at a friend, who I don’t really have a vested interest in trying to change, I can envision what it would look like for me to parent with more patience, wisdom and acceptance. It’s helped me come to see my kids for what they are. They are their own persons who have both the right and the responsibility to figure out who they are and what sort of life they want to live. What they are not are extensions of me or proof of the worth of my life or even my skills as a parent.
This is so clear to us when dealing with any human being other than a child – particularly your own. Then we are prone to respond to their imperfections, independence and petty rebellions by going into whatever our version of full-blown panicked-tyranny mode is to cow them into pleasing us. And that’s hard on both parent and child. A lot of parents are convinced that if they didn’t make sure their kids stay not just on the straight and narrow but on the painted line right in the middle of the road, all hell will break loose. I just don’t have the fortitude or the compliant kids necessary to get away with that style of parenting, so I’ve been letting my kids wander all over the countryside surrounding the road for a while now and it seems to be working as well as anything else.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I have no problem pulling rank and forcing my kids to behave or comply if need be. But my preferred method is always to convince them to go along by choice. One of my proudest parenting moments was when Continue reading “Rolling your eyes is a good parenting technique”
Each of my children has a story we tell them about some way in which their lives have mattered. I believe that it’s one thing to tell a kid they are important and that they matter, but it’s something of a gift to them to be able to tell them how they have mattered. Then they’re not just a lowly child floating out in the world with no real base or purpose to start with. It grounds the message that they have value in their real world. It’s concrete evidence for them that just because they exist, the world is a different, better place.
My oldest Noah was born when his father and I were not married. If it wasn’t for him, we would not have formed a family and his siblings wouldn’t be here. And his birth also changed me. Before having him, if you had walked up to me at any given moment and said, “I’m sorry, only real humans are allowed here. Penguins such as yourself belong elsewhere” and I would have shrugged at being caught and thanked you for telling me I was a penguin – I had been wondering about that. I had a bad case of imposter’s syndrome. Practically from the start, parenting Noah was something I just knew how to do and I felt completely comfortable doing it. It was almost like working out of an area of spiritual blessing and was an important step on the way to me knowing (hopefully) more and more of who God created me to be.
Collin, who is now 12 was born while his dad was very sick. His medical care was awful but we were young and hadn’t yet realized that the system works differently once your illness has no identifiable cause or treatment. They eventually told us that he was crazy – really, they did. They even gave us a black binder with a report saying so. Continue reading “Do Your Kids Know Their Own Story?”
There’s probably nothing guaranteed to make you feel worse on a day-in-day out basis than those unfinished tasks we just keep putting off. Unsent thankyou notes, unfolded laundry, bills, making that doctor’s appointment. Whatever. They just hang over our heads like big neon signs screaming “irresponsible”, “lazy”, “unorganized”. I know that a lot of people swear by lists, but that has never worked for me. I am completely unrealistic about what I can get done in a day, I am dissatisfied with anything less than near-perfection and the list thing just puts those two tendencies on a collision course with burn-out and discouragement. But in my relentless quest to be both healthy and happy – at the same time – I have hit on something that works for disorderly, easily discouraged, unrealistic me.
The way things usually work is that in the back of my mind, I will know there’s something I need to get done. Sometimes these things will pop into my head at an inopportune time. And because it’s not done, I just have a gut level reaction to the task which is a combination of guilt and dread. So I put it off again. It’s waited this long, right? Over and over. Continue reading “Mindfulness and Procrastination”
I hate New Year’s resolutions. Hate them. The worst part of New Year’s day for me was always when the qxh (quasi-ex-husband) would pull out a piece of paper and write “Trotter Family Resolutions” across the top. So we could “pull them out at the end of the year and see how we did”. Great, another completely unrealistic standard to feel bad about not meeting. Just what I need!
The other day I read an article which advised that the key to keeping this year’s resolutions was to set up specific targets. Like “I will exercise 3 times a week and lose 25 lbs by April 1.” Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Seriously. That’s what it said. Like the two are related. Continue reading “A New Year’s Resolution for the Overwhelmed, Forgetful and Easily Distracted”
The Upside Down World 