Author: Rebecca Trotter

A mom, writer, thinker, talker, teacher, Christian and odd duck . . . www.theupsidedownworld.com
being mom, family, kids, religion

Raise a child up and whaaaaa?

Train a child up in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. ~ Proverbs 22:6

Awww, isn't he just precious? Bless his heart.

This is a much used and much abused scripture verse when it comes to parenting.  Many parents hold onto it while raising their kids and think it means “If I teach him right from wrong, he’ll stay on the straight and narrow.”  These same parents all too often find themselves wondering if maybe this was one of those bible verses which shouldn’t be taken too literally some years later.  Sometimes it can be the source of a great deal of heartache.  But there are several problems with the way this verse is often read.

First of all, there’s the “in the way that he should go” issue.  I have written before about how our children come with their own personalities, needs and journeys to walk.  Teaching kids right and wrong is a small part of parenting.  It simply says “this is how people should behave.” That’s an entirely different issue than actually raising a kid.  To raise a kid, we need to show them “here’s how to walk the path you will need to walk.” 

The word “way” – Hebrew darkow – indicates a path or journey.  When used in reference to God it indicates his way of doing things.  We will each have our own way of doing what God requires of us.  This is what we need to prepared for.  Simply exhorting good behavior and punishing bad isn’t going to cut it, imo.

Secondly, it should be noted that the promise’s fulfillment is “when he is old”.  Continue reading “Raise a child up and whaaaaa?”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter1 Comment
religion

So, What’s the Deal With Adam and Eve? Part 2

The Creation of Eve 12-13th Century Mosaic Monreale Cathedral, Sicily

So, it’s been light blogging because I’ve been recovering from having my gallbladder removed last weekend.  And percocet makes me mean.  So I’ve been applying the adage my boys have heard 1 times a day since they learned to speak: “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

But I’m off the dope and wanted to get back to our earlier discussion on Adam and Eve.  (To understand this discussion, I suggest reading What’s the Deal With Adam and Eve? Part 1 first.)  When we left off, Adam had determined that there was no gibbon that tickled his fancy and God put him into a deep sleep.  Then God took a rib from Adams side, closed the spot with flesh and fashioned woman. 

A few things here.  The man is put into a deep sleep.  This can certainly mean simply that Adam was unconscious.  Under full anesthesia, if you will.  However, because we are also reading the story as an allegory, it can be informative to go a little deeper.  When we sleep, we are still alive.  We are not aware of what is going on in the physical world, but we dream.  Our brains are busy doing clean-up work that can not be tended to when we’re busy using it while awake.  And often we wake up and remember none of it.  If we do, as often as not, we’re left with an impression which is more emotion than anything and hard to put into words.  Continue reading “So, What’s the Deal With Adam and Eve? Part 2”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter6 Comments
life, relationships

What to do if someone starts crying in front of you

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.  ~Kenji Miyazawa In the spring of 2000, I received a phone call informing me that my husband had collapsed at work and been taken to a nearby hospital.  By the time I got there, he was being released.  They had decided that he was having an asthma attack, so despite the fact that … Continue reading What to do if someone starts crying in front of you

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter10 Comments
religion

So, What’s the Deal With Adam and Eve? Part 1

Facepalm. Words. They fail.

I am fascinated with the creation stories.  I have mentioned before that it was the habit of ancient Hebrews to meditate by holding two thoughts which seem opposed together in your head at once.  I may have also mentioned that I have both a very high regard for scripture and I value science as a tool for understanding how God’s other testimony – creation – works.  Which right there creates a conflict which many people think they can make go away by picking the side that makes sense to them and hanging out there.  But I always figured that if God made the world (which I believe he did) and scripture is true (which I believe it is – in all sorts of surprising ways) and science was saying something different, God had an answer.  And not like, “well I only made the earth look billions of years old in order to see if you would trust me enough to think it’s really 6000 years old.”  A real answer.  Two true things cannot contradict one another.  If they are in conflict, it doesn’t mean one is right and the other is wrong.  It means we don’t understand them well enough yet.

So with this as my mindset, I set out holding these two ideas – biblical creation and the evidence of science – in my head at the same time and meditating on them.  Continue reading “So, What’s the Deal With Adam and Eve? Part 1”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter8 Comments
enjoy life, life, religion

The Right Way to Stone Those You Love

Missy Piggy Tattoo by Jamie Sapp. Inspired by my career making performance, no doubt.

I’m not sure exactly what came over me, but one afternoon in the music room in junior high I was so charged up from a long day of doing anything I could think of to keep myself amused that I stood up and belted out the words “Look at moi! I’m as helpless as a piglet in a trough! . . . I get hungry just holding your hand!” like a 12 year old soprano Ethel Merman.  That afternoon, I remember standing by my mom’s bed where she was folding laundry and telling her a little sheepishly that I was going to be Miss Piggy in the school play.  It was kind of a big deal for me, but the thought of my family seeing me behave so outrageously was pretty mortifying.  And not only that, but I was going to be singing and dancing with a boy in my class.  In front of everyone!  A kind of cute boy even.  (Not that he could hold a candle to Justin Donneley who was not only the hottest 12 year old ever, but inexplicably, spoke with an english accent of some sort.  I think I would have lost control of myself in some way if I had to dance with Justin Donnely in front of everyone.)

I, of course, stole the show.  Or maybe not.  I don’t really remember.  But what I do remember is something my mom told me after the show.  Some woman who I vaguely knew existed had sought out my mom and told her that I had “a voice like a beautiful bell.”  Now, I do love singing – always have.  But for many years, I had a huge hang-up about singing in front of people.  So, I really had to push past my comfort zone to make a big ham out of myself in front of my classmates and whoever else was there.  This woman’s compliment was my reward.

I now only have a medium sized hang-up about singing in front of people.  Continue reading “The Right Way to Stone Those You Love”

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prayer, religion

I am. God is. Are you? Zen . . .

I am.  That’s our goal.  I am.  We are children of I Am.  Made in his image.  I am.  Are you?  Ha!

Part of our problem is that we are convinced that I am – whether it be God, ourselves, or our present circumstances and surroundings – is something to be suspect of, probably terribly boring or terrible bad or terribly not me.  Like the God whose main building tool is explosions is going to want us to stand around all day humming melodically.  Seriously?  (Sometimes when people talk to me, this just pops into my head.) 

But we resist I am.  If we didn’t we’d have to learn to slow down and be present.  We’d maybe even have to let ourselves be irreperably imperfect.  We’d have to face things we didn’t even know we’d be running from.  And that would be uncomfortable.  We’d have to do things the people around us might not approve of.  It might be too hard.  It might even drive you into the arms of God, no?  Because it’s not easy to learn to just be.  I would never want to have to do it on my own. 

When you are determined to learn to embrace I Am whether it is the I Am God or the I am Rebecca or I am going through an unwanted divorce and I’m really embarrassed at what the people I’m related to will think of me because of this, then you will reach a place that I call zen – although it’s probably a terrible abuse of what the actual word means.  To me zen is just a very deep acceptance.  It’s when you can let go – even for just a few seconds at a time – of your emotional need for reality to be different than it actually is.  It’s not letting go of desire – wanting something is part of reality, and acceptance of reality is what living with and in I am is all about.  One of the differences between real zen and the Christian version, donchya know.

When I am at “zen”, I find that I have all the patience in the world when I need it.  There is peace.  There is joy. Things make much more sense from the point of zen than they do any other time.  If I’ve ever said something that was so obvious that it made you feel stupid for not having thought of it that way before, it’s something that came from being in zen.  Continue reading “I am. God is. Are you? Zen . . .”

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politics

Why conservatives should have voted for Kerry

I’m about to break one of my family of origin’s cardinal rules: I’m going to tell you who I voted for long, long ago in the aughts. 

I grew up among very upstanding people who did not break rules and we all know the rules: no talking about religion, money or politics.  (They added in sex as well.  I think a lot of people did.)  And since those were the rules, they didn’t talk about those things.  And on the rare occasions that someone did mention politics, religion or money, they seemed to think that since they were already going to be breaking the rules, they might as well be rude about it.  Which meant that talking about such things seemed very rude indeed.  I never found our family gatherings to be very interesting.

So, I felt very extra brave when I decided to openly campaign for John Kerry in 2004.  (The qxh asked me not to put out lawn signs or window signs.)  I bravely wore my John Kerry for President button to the Y for the kid’s homeschool gym and swim class.  I talked with friends who were confused and frankly a bit appalled at me.  I live in a bedroom community in the great northern tundras of the USA.  I am a Christian.  I homeschooled.  I am pro-life.  I have too many kids.  I voted for Bush in 2000 and would do it again just so we would be spared the trauma of having to listen to the sound of Al Gore’s voice in the days after 9-11.  (Think heartbroken, angry country, smoking ruins, a megaphone and Al Gore. It makes me shudder.)  I was personally insulted by things my fellow campaigners said thinking that everyone there was of a like mind.  But I felt that strongly about it and it wasn’t about hating Bush.  For me it was far more fundamental than that.  It was about expectations; what do we have a right to expect from our government?  Me, I expect the government to make plans to secure weapons in their own war zone. Continue reading “Why conservatives should have voted for Kerry”

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culture, homeschooling, life, religion, science

In Which I Call Creationism Demonic

From “Thinking SciFi”

“O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.” (Psalm 139:1)

Perhaps the most frightening attribute of God is that He knows everything about us. Everything! He has “searched” (literally “penetrated”) us and “known” (“understood”) us. . . Furthermore, He is everywhere around each one of us (vv. 7-10), wherever we are or could be. He fills all space, and there is no escape.

Go ahead, ask me where I found that quote.  Or even better, how ’bout I up the fun quotient and give you some options. Was it:

a. A site promoting atheism

b. A humor site skewering religion 

c. A devotional piece from the Days of Praise blog put out by a Creationist advocacy group

I’ll give you a moment to figure it out. . . Oh wait – did I give it away?  Yep, this “be afraid, Be very afraid” moment has been brought to you by none other than The Institute for Creation Research; a highly profitable venerable institution promoting creation “science”.  The very same people whom a federal judge recently said  are “entirely unable to file a complaint which is not overly verbose, disjointed, incoherent, maundering and full of irrelevant information.” Good to see our tax dollars hard at work there, eh?

This upsets me.  My opinions about the theological viability of creationist interpretations aren’t something I’m shy about.  I truly believe that it’s demonic.  Whether you understand that to be a metaphor for our ability to create and perpetuate evil or as satan whispering in your ear, the answer is the same; it is demonic.  Continue reading “In Which I Call Creationism Demonic”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter36 Comments
being mom, kids

Rolling your eyes is a good parenting technique

Collin is learning to be a really funny, crabby 45 year old man. Unfortunately he’s stuck being 12 at the moment.

Want to do something amazing for your relationship with your kids?  Engage in this thought exercise:

Think of a good friend; someone you genuinely like and care about.  (Don’t use your spouse – too many in-law issues!)  What sort of parent would you want for that friend? If you were somehow able to go back and parent your friend yourself, how would you do it?

I have found that by looking at a friend, who I don’t really have a vested interest in trying to change, I can envision what it would look like for me to parent with more patience, wisdom and acceptance.  It’s helped me come to see my kids for what they are.  They are their own persons who have both the right and the responsibility to figure out who they  are and what sort of life they want to live. What they are not are extensions of me or proof of the worth of my life or even my skills as a parent.

This is so clear to us when dealing with any human being other than a child – particularly your own.  Then we are prone to respond to their imperfections, independence and petty rebellions by going into whatever our version of full-blown panicked-tyranny mode is to cow them into pleasing us.  And that’s hard on both parent and child.  A lot of parents are convinced that if they didn’t make sure their kids stay not just on the straight and narrow but on the painted line right in the middle of the road, all hell will break loose.  I just don’t have the fortitude or the compliant kids necessary to get away with that style of parenting, so I’ve been letting my kids wander all over the countryside surrounding the road for a while now and it seems to be working as well as anything else.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I have no problem pulling rank and forcing my kids to behave or comply if need be. But my preferred method is always to convince them to go along by choice. One of my proudest parenting moments was when Continue reading “Rolling your eyes is a good parenting technique”

Unknown's avatarRebecca Trotter2 Comments